Thursday, March 08, 2007

The circle around the dream

The picture on the left is the one I was using during my application for AIESEC International team 2007-2008. I both included it in my written application and used during verbal presentation.

That was the part of my personal brand as AIESEC International candidate. The picture is taken by Marina from Croatia, a former AIESEC-er and highly talented young photographer. This picture symbolizes a dream for me. A dream, which is caught by the person. His personal dream. There a circle around it. He knows, what is his dream now. He knows, why it is his dream. He knows how to get there.

AIESEC International team unites about 24 people from all around the world, who altogether lead AIESEC globally in 100 countries. That's where I was applying and didn't get selected.

My brand didn't work out. There is no circle around my dream right now. I lost election.

Previously, I was loosing mainly on personal level (a lot), but almost never on professional level. I was the best graduate of my high-school, the best-scoring applicant for my faculty, the best graduate of my course, I was leading the show for around 400 people in concert hall of Oslo when I was just 20, I was named the best new member of AIESEC in Tartu, I won all the AIESEC elections beforehand, I was named the best facilitator on AIESEC conference few times, I have gotten many job offers during past few years...

Finally, I got rejected. It's great, because I got to know once again that I have a lot ahead of me to develop. I am not perfect. And I am proud of that. I am proud to write it here. I am damn proud to have been AI Director candidate.

But did I lose? Yes, I lost elections, which I wanted to win. Yes, I lost my photo camera in Egypt, which I really liked and which was present from my parents.

Both of these things are on the same page for me right now. Those are not real losses. Those are the changes in the context, which I have to adapt for.

What is the real loss however, is when a person, somehow dear to you, just disappears. Me and many more people just lose this person forever. One car accident can kill so many dreams...

I feel anger now. And this anger motivates me. Usually, I am motivated by the positive energy. But right now, I have anger incorporated there. I know that it will pass, as I have just too many different emotions inside of me. I know that I will have peace in my mind and sould soon enough.

But right now I just feel that I want to achieve a lot during the rest of my term as a President of AIESEC in Estonia. I will make it the best year so far for my organisation and I will make everything possible that the next year will be even better.

I will make it for the sake of all losses I have experienced recently. All the losses, which make me stronger person.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Not anymore

No jokes. No adventures. No joy. No new experiences. No life. Not anymore.

She just disappeared. Vanished.

With her 20 years of life she left a trace in the lives of many. She would leave even more. But not anymore.

We lost her. As the world is losing thousands like her every day. But we really care just about few ones. The ones, who are close to our hearts.

This time fate stroke one close to me.

But she is not the one I am thinking at the moment. There are two people, whom I would give the whole myself, if I just could. Her parents. What did they lose? The daughter, the part of them, the very reason to live. Where else to find such a reason?

My emotional self is suffering. Just before I lost a hope for the synergy of dreams. Now, some people lost not just a hope, they lost the very possible source of their dreams. Will there be any new dreams for them possible? I really hope so.

I promise that I will find out the new dreams for me. I will fight for realizing them. I will realize them for her, always remembering her.