Tuesday, October 24, 2006

What if the first thing you want to do in the morning is to cry?

What if you wake up in the morning and the very first thing you want to do - is to cry? Does it show that you are weak? Unhappy? Tired? Pessimistic? Depressed?..

That's exactly my morning today.

I came back to Estonia yesterday after spending 10 days in Macedonia facilitating international AIESEC conference for local committee presidents (EuroCo), which was fascinating and enrichning experience. Obviously, I have been tired after such an intensive time. In addition, I have a flu, sneezing and having light fever, as it was a bit cold in Macedonian hotel in some nights and I got cold.

So, I feel physically damaged.

But emotionally as well. I have some troubles in my beloved family. My MC team challenged me a lot during yesterday's evening meeting, where I realized once again that managing a team is damn complicated art and sometimes I am not the artist at his best. My personal life is complicated and thinking about it makes me sad.

Fortunately, I am alone in our "MC apartment" right now and I have possibility to let tears out, if I want. I have possibility to listen to my own music, which I need right now - music is extremely important factor in managing my mood for me.

But let's get back to the first question - what does it mean, if the first thing I want to do in the morning is to cry?

To be honest, I don't feel bad about it at all. I am not depressed, exhausted or whatsoever. I am atill full of energy, commitment and ideas.

I just have hard period. And I am glad that I am having mood like that time-to-time. It means that I am still human being, despite all. Human being who is able to feel and to express his feelings. I love it - if I want to cry, I do it. And I am not afraid of hiding that.

EuroCo was great experience - I managed my things pretty well and definetely influenced several people's lives. That's rewarding feeling.

I had luck to work along with some extremely interesting and just wonderful people. That's real luck, I repeat it again.

I spent 10 days in very beautiful surrondings, where I had chance to eat breakfast outside having view on fantastic lake and mountains. That's enormous beauty.

The view from the terrace of the hotel near Ohrid, Macedonia

I reassured my passions and my strengths. I connected even more to some people who are role-models for me. That's helping me with choosing the path for the future.

I am grateful to the life for all of that. I am grateful to the life for such mornings like today.

The life is good.

The life is beautiful.