Review: No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind

No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Another great book on parenting by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne after their "Whole-Brain Child".

Every chapter is full of useful advice - and well-structured too. The illustrations in the form of comic strips (the way we reactively discipline our kids vs the way we would actually like to discipline them) are very helpful.

Connect first.
Connect with the kids emotionally.
Make sure you are sufficiently calm before reacting.
Try to understand why they behaved they way they did.
Use physical touch.
Use "below eye level" technique.
Don't dismiss the child's emotions feelings ("You are just tired"), validate their feelings and embrace their emotions.

Then redirect.
Make sure the time is right - teaching a lesson when emotions are high is rarely a good idea.
Make it with child's development stage, needs and respect for the child's integrity.
Talk less, listen more.
Describe, don't preach.
Instead of no, use yes with a condition (“Yes, we’ll read another story, but we need to do it tomorrow”).
Involve your child in the discipline.
Emphasize the positive (“I love it when you’re encouraging your sister like that”.)

One of the concluding chapters - The Messages of Hope - is a great and encouraging ending to the book.

"Sometimes there’s just nothing we can do to “fix” things when our kids are having a hard time."

"The not-so-great parenting moments are not necessarily such bad things for our kids to have to go through - because our messy, human, parental responses give kids opportunities to deal with difficult situations and therefore develop new skills."

"When having messed up, they key is to repair any breach in the relationship as quickly as possible. Ruptures without repair leave both parent and child feeling disconnected."

Recommending to any parent. I often think that my kids are my best teachers right now. This book has helped me to become a better student.

Review: Notes on a Nervous Planet

Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Matt Haig, a British author who had undergone deep depression, suicidal period of his life and still having anxieties, has written the book about everything which makes us more anxious - and the remedies to it.

What was good about this book? Bringing out mental health as something we should talk about, something we should not be ashamed of, something we need to acknowledge and work on. It was also interesting to read Matt Haig's descriptions of his occurrences of strong anxiety and how he was dealing with.

Mostly, however, I found this book rather superficial and annoying even. All the advice is rather basic - and very few sources to the claims are brought out. Consuming a lot of media and news, spending a lot of time in social media and in crowded spaces makes you anxious. Wow, what's an insight! Walking in the nature, reading, spending time with ones you love makes you less anxious. Wow, even more insightful!

Literary essay-like style is beautiful at certain times, but mostly annoying with many lists and short sentences to prove the point.

Review: Tartu tuld toomas

Tartu tuld toomas. Linnauitaja ülestähendusi taaskohtumisel by Mihkel Mutt
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Huvitav Tartu linna iseloomustav essee. Üksjagu linnalugu, natuke kirjanduskriitikat, siin-seal ühiskonnakriitikat, natuke metafüüsilist absurdi - kirju, kuid nauditav kirjastiil. Raamatu esimene osa meeldis rohkem, kus Mutt kirjeldab vaimukalt erinevaid linnaosi ja tartulikke jooni. Mida rohkem lõpu poole, seda rohkem on filosoofiat ja metafüüsikat, mis ei tundu alati uudne või põnev.

Tartus õppinu ja elanuna aga oli üldiselt soe tunne seda raamatut lugeda. Üht-teist uut sai teada ka linna ajaloost ja geograafiast.

Review: Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life

Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life by Nir Eyal
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

A book on how to not let your focus get distracted by what you don't want (like social media, TV etc).

There are several useful well-structured pieces of advice:
- timeboxing the time for what is important for you, including your relationships
- how to be efficient with your emails and messaging
- preventing distractions by the pacts (making it more difficult, losing something unless something else happens)

In particular, I liked the advice on spreading digital minimalism among the friends and others. We can motivate others by making it a taboo to check one’s phone when in the company of others. So, is you see someone on the phone during the social conversation, you can ask ‘I see you’re on the phone. Is everything OK?’

Overall, rather basic and little psychological research to provide substance to the "indistractable" model. Most of it was not novel to me. But the advice is good and useful.

Review: Sult

Sult by Martin Ernstsen
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Quite good graphic adaptation of the famous Norwegian novel by Knut Hamsun about a poor writer who is struggling with hunger and depressive thoughts.

Review: Putin's People: How the KGB Took Back Russia and Then Took On the West

Putin's People: How the KGB Took Back Russia and Then Took On the West by Catherine Belton
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

A former FT journalist in Russia, Catherine Belton, has done a formidable research for this book. Many interviews and documents have been worked through to depict how Putin and his men from ex-KGB have created kleptocratic and revanchist state such as Russia has become in 2000s-2010s - at the same time, securing an improved way of living for its residents to a certain degree.

I found interesting historical accounts of how Putin and KGB worked in the DDR of 1980s, how they siphoned money out of the USSR to useful allies in the West to discredit the system in the West - and how this eventually has continued after the collapse of the Soviet Union.

It was also interesting to read the details of how it happened that a previously rather unknown uncharismatic person has become one of the most powerful statemen of the world - and how the independent large business, juridical and political systems have all been gradually suppressed.

At times, the number of names and connections was difficult to follow. The book could have some registry of key people to refer to.

It also felt too ideological at times - written not by an impassionate historian, but by a person referring to countless of stories to prove one main point - that ex-KGB is ruling Russia and is dangerous for the West. This could have been mentioned fewer times.

Review: The Storyteller: Tales of Life and Music

The Storyteller: Tales of Life and Music by Dave Grohl
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A one-time drummer for Nirvana (one of my favourite bands which was sort of formative to my teenage years) and a founder and the main figure behind Foo Fighters Dave Grohl tells stories from his life.

He starts with the description of his childhood and teenage years in suburbs of Virginia, near Washington - all via references his love for music. He then proceeds with how he has gotten in a punk rock band Scream and later to Nirvana. After the death of Kurt Cobain, Dave Grohl eventually re-invents himself in a band established by himself and some companions, Foo Fighters.

I loved reading about Grohl's passion for music. This is the main theme which flows throughout the whole book. Starting from how he was "playing" melodies with his teeth, then using pillows in his bedroom instead of the drums - then diving into the world of rock and roll concerts, first as a spectator, then as musician on the scene.

I particularly liked the first half of the book, learning about what the life was like in Virginia in the 1970s-1980s, what it meant to be touring around in the USA, Europe and Australia as part of a band in a van on very meagre means, how was it to be part of Nirvana and sharing the flat with Kurt Cobain.

The stories of his later life were also fun to read, but were more sporadically structured and presented.

Overall, Dave Grohl seems like a nice guy, someone you would like to have among your friends - principled, passionate, but easy-going lad. The book reads exactly like that.

Review: To Sell is Human: the Surprising Truth About Moving Others

To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others by Daniel H. Pink
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Although not as good book as Pink's classics "Drive", I still liked "To Sell is Human".

The first part about what sales was like before and what it means now was somewhat dubious, although I liked how Pink framed selling into "moving people" - this is something we all do.

But the subsequent parts were rather good. Like in "Drive", there are simple and short arguments supported by social studies and ample research. And I liked in particular various exercises to try and test various good practices. I have actually tested some of them on my team ("have a conversation with a time traveller" trying to explain a contemporary product to someone who lived few hundreds years ago; try one-word pitch, subject-line pitch or Pixar pitch) - it went really well.

Attune to your counterpart, try to really get into what they need.
Mimic strategically.
Don't be overly extraverted or introverted - being an ambivert is best.
Practice interrogative self-talk (Can I do it? Why?)
Be positive, but back up when needed.
Be clear.
Know how to pitch your idea - forget the elevator pitch, there are six innovative ways to structure your pitch.
Make your partner look good. Say "Yes and" (not an easy one in the real life!)
Most of all, make it purposeful.
Don't do upselling, do upserving instead.

I really liked the idea bout clarifying others’ motives with two “irrational” questions.

Suppose your daughter is delaying and denying, and generally resisting studying for a big end-of-the-year exam. You wouldn’t say, “Young lady, you must study,” or “Please, please study for the exam”. Instead, you could ask her two questions:
1. “On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 meaning ‘not the least bit ready’ and 10 meaning ‘totally ready’, how ready are you to study?”
After she offers her answer, ask
2. “Why didn’t you pick a lower number?”
This is an unexpected question, it is not a binary off-on, yes-no question. It can expose an apparent “No” as an actual “Maybe”. Even more important, as your daughter explains her reasons for being a 4 rather than a 3, she begins announcing her own reasons for studying. She moves from defending her current behaviour to articulating why, at some level, she wants to behave differently.