Review: Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too

Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

It's quite an eye-opening book for a parent of two (or more) children.

Most of the parents dream about their children to become the best friends. It's just that it sometimes doesn't happen. And sometimes we as parents just need to accept it. However, this book gives some invaluable advice on how not to make things worse. Indeed, there is so much we as parents can do to screw relationship of siblings - and all that with only good intentions...

The basis for everything is respecting, acknowledging and verbalising the child's feelings instead of dismissing them ("You cannot say so about your sister!").

It is also important to focus on each child individually - no comparison, no locking into roles (of the youngest one, of the "boy in the family", of "our musical talent", of a victim).

Children don't need to be treated equally. They need to be treated uniquely.

The book makes an important point about how to solve the siblings' arguments: we as parents should not interfere at all times and try to solve all arguments making children solely dependent on our judgement. We should assist them to verbalise their anger, to set certain limits and to help to establish the rules - but most of all, treat our children as individuals capable of solving their arguments by themselves.

There are much more great ideas like having family meetings on difficult subjects, setting signs for private property and avoiding trap of "togetherness" ("Our family needs to do things together - and have fun together!").

The lyrical epilogue of the book is worth a mini-book on itself - so emotional, so sad and so encouraging at the same time.

If I only could follow all those good pieces of advice at all time - also in the moments of frustration or exhaustion :)