Review: The Whole-Brain Child

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind, Survive Everyday Parenting Struggles, and Help Your Family Thrive by Daniel J. Siegel
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book.

Every parent has likely faced tantrums, outbursts of anger, outrage or resentment on behalf of their children. This book explains why these happen - and what are possible strategies to help your child - and yourself - to cope with them. It does it all through the explanation of child's brain development.

It is wonderfully illustrated book, supplemented by many stories and examples. It has many tips and tricks for parents to use in various situations (I have actually used some and found them useful). It has even illustrated comic strips to look at and discuss with your child. Easy language. Pleasantly short (about 150 pages).

In essence, it is about helping your children to understand what happens inside their heads - and heads of the others around them. Here are just some few learnings:
- Name an emotion or a feeling so that we can tame it
- Help to show a big picture - a feeling is only a part of you, it is not you.
- Help to show that feelings are temporary, they come and go
- Help a child to replay memories to understand what happened
- Gamify your common experiences

The most difficult part is to indeed stay rational, considering and thoughtful parent (as this book teaches you to) in most of the situations. Also, when you are tired, sleepy or distracted. :)

Review: Leading Professionals: Power, Politics, and Prima Donnas

Leading Professionals: Power, Politics, and Prima Donnas by Laura Empson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

A semi-academic book based on more than 500 interviews with professionals working in professional services (such as management consulting or law).

It gives a conceptual structure to what leaders in such professional partnerships experience. And the quotations and case studies arising from various interviews help to visualise that.

I found several of the concepts there novel and intriguing. And something I could very much relate to.

The authority in a professional partnership is contingent on your success as a partner, it is not given.

The leaders in professional partnerships need to build consensus using political skills - yet without being perceived to do corporate politics.

The leadership in professional partnerships is very much plural (a so-called leadership constellation) as opposed to traditional strong CEO archetype.

A leadership dyad (two leaders collaborating on top management) can be surprisingly effective.

Organisational dynamics between management professionals (such as Heads of HR, Marketing, Strategy, CFO etc) and partners requires careful equilibrium.

A professional partnership has its own lifecycle. It can experience development from one stage to another: from a founder-focused through collegial and delegated to corporate / federated / dispersed.

Facilitating post-M&A acclimatisation of two merged cultures requires leaders to be like the organisers of the school dance: you set the stage but never decide who dances with whom.

Overall ambiguity in roles, hierarchies and structures can function surprisingly well in professional partnerships. Order and structure is not always desired as in the regular corporate way.

Recommended to those building or working in professional partnerships, especially if substantiated research is appreciated.

Review: Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The author is a former hostage negotiator - and brings interesting illustrating stories from that dramatic past. The objective of the book is to shed a light on how to be more successful in negotiations (in reality, in any communication situation which involves arguing over some issue).

The central concept to me from the book was a tactical empathy. That is, how to use good communication tactics in order to understand another person's wishes, desires and fears - and make that person more predisposed to be listening to you. These tactics are fairly simple (but way too easy to forget when we want to get OUR point through):
- Listen, hold on talking
- When talking, slow it down
- Mirror (rephrase what another person has said in a form of a question)
- Label another person's emotions/fears/desires ("It seems like you...")
- Don't push people for "Yes" - understand the reasons behind their "No"
- Don't get stressed and create additional stress due to deadlines
- Do an accusation audit (list the reasons another person might dislike what you are offering)

Sometimes it all felt somewhat cynical and manipulative. On the other hand, many of the communication practices described there are actually helping to build relationships - either with your negotiation counterpart, a child, a colleague or anyone else. Everyone wants to be listened to and understood. If we play along with this for ultimately good reasons, it's not that bad communicative manipulation after all...

Review: 55 невыдуманных историй: #запискиалмаатинца

55 невыдуманных историй: #запискиалмаатинца by Сегизбаев Данияр
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Довольно увлекательные и интересно написанные истории из жизни бывшего врача-хирурга, а после предпринимателя родом из Алматы (бывшей Алма-Аты). Истории хорошо показывают быт 1980-2000х годов в Казахстане (а также за рубежом глазами казахстанца). Интереснее всего было читать про случаи из карьеры хирурга.

Ближе к концу книги истории начинают повторяться по похожему сценарию: "Выпили. Появились девушки. Выпили ещё. И тут случилось..." Ностальгия по выборочному прошлому тоже не так интересна. Но понравилось, что автор описывает всё с изрядной долей самоиронии.

Amazing World: Kok Zhailyau, Kazakhstan

Kok Zhailayu, near Almaty, Kazakhstan:

Amazing World: Kolsay Lakes and Charyn, Kazakhstan

Middle Kolsay Lake (Mynzholky), Kolsay Lakes National Park, Almaty Oblast, Kazakhstan:

Charyn Canyon, Almaty Oblast, Kazakhstan:

Review: Principles: Life and Work

Principles: Life and Work by Ray Dalio
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Ray Dalio has been the founder of one of the most successful hedge funds in history to date - Bridgewater Associates. It is a story of a self-made billionaire - and the principles guiding him in this journey.

This book is an autobiography, a personal development guide and a course on management - all in one.

The main idea of the book - that you should lead your life and lead your organisation / team according to the set of principles that you constantly develop and refine - is powerful, albeit not new. Dalio is extremely methodical as to how to develop these principles. His idea is to minimise exceptions and categorise decisions to be made according to the algorithms.

I cannot agree with all of these principles. Many of them felt too stretched and reminiscent of "the brave new world" of a perfect organisation of corporate soldiers where everyone is expected to work 60-hours weeks. The praised idea meritocracy (the best ideas win) at times reminded autocracy (in the end, the big boss still decides). "Sorting" people according to their psychological personas felt too stretched as well.

The book of this size (more than 500 pages) is at times repetitive and not always that novel. However, it contains a lot of powerful insights - from a person who has indeed gotten very successful in business. Not sure you can always be that methodical and mathematical in ways you deal with people... but there is truly a good bit of wisdom and impressive work behind these Principles.

On tackling pain:

There is no avoiding pain, especially if you’re going after ambitious goals.

Pain + Reflection = Progress.

On being on top of the events:

Distinguish between you as the designer of your machine and you as a worker with your machine. Most people remain stuck in the perspective of being a worker within the machine.

On what is a valuable argument:

In thoughtful disagreement, your goal is not to convince the other party that you are right – it is to find out which view is true and decide what to do about it.

Be open-minded and assertive at the same time. Open-minded = seeing things through the other’s eyes. Assertive = communicating clearly how things look through your eyes.

On dealing with emotions:

The biggest difference between people who guide their own personal evolution and achieve their goals and those who don’t is that those who make progress reflect on what causes their emotional hijackings.

On making decisions:

Everything looks bigger up close. In all aspects of life, what’s happening today seems like a much bigger deal than it will appear in retrospect. That’s why it helps to step back to gain perspective and sometimes defer a decision until some time passes.

On approximation:

Be imprecise: understand the concept of “by-and-large” and use approximation.

Be an imperfectionist. Perfectionists spend too much time on little differences at the margins at the expense of the important things.

On believability-weighted decision making:

The best decisions are made [when] the most capable people work through their disagreements with other capable people.

The most believable opinions are those of people who 1) have repeatedly and successfully accomplished the thing in questions, and 2) have demonstrated that they can logically explain the cause-effect relationships behind their conclusions.

On random decision making:

Everyone has opinions and they are often bad. Opinions are easy to produce and most people are eager to share them – even fight for them. Unfortunately many are worthless or even harmful, including a lot of your own.

If you ask someone a question, they will probably give you an answer, so think through to whom you should address your questions.

On management:

Great managers are not philosophers, entertainers, doers, or artists. They are engineers. They see their organisations as machines and work to maintain and improve them.

Regularly take the temperature of each person who is important to you and to the organisation.

On constant evolution:

Watch out for the “Frog in the Boiling Water Syndrome”. People have a strong tendency to slowly get used to unacceptable things that would shock them if they saw them with fresh eyes.

On leverage in organisations:

Constantly think about how to produce leverage. For each hour you spend with each person you work with, they should spend 5-10-20 hours working on their tasks.

On staying positive:

Don’t get frustrated. If nothing bad is happening to you now, wait a bit and it will. That is just reality. It’s important to figure out what to do about it and not spend time moaning about how you wish it were different. Winston Churchill said, “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

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Review: Разин Степан

Разин Степан by Alexey Chapygin
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Степан Разин - знаменитый казачий атаман России 17го века, устроивший восстание против власти царя и бояр. Эта книга описывает историю этого восстания в художественном стиле.

Интересно воспроизведенный язык того времени, яркое и детальное описание быта на Дону, в Москве, в Персидском шахстве, интересные диалоги и реплики, увлекательный сюжет - это из плюсов.

Книга написана в 1920х годах в Советской России. Отсюда четкая идеологизированность книги - плохие царь, бояре и попы против вольных и смелых казаков с Дона. Описание персонажей тоже соответствующее: "хитрое лицо" или"вольчьи глаза" против "широких плеч" и "развевающихся кудрей". Многие персонажи слишком карикатурны.

Однако, понравилось, что казачество в целом и участники восстания конретно - не идеализируются. Описаны постоянное буйное пьянство, безудержные грабежы и жестокость казаков.

Книга хорошо показывает исторические причины бунтов и революций в России (да и в других местах): пропасть в достатке дворян и "простолюдинов", полное презрение со стороны дворянства по отношению к "мужикам и бабам".