Review: Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect

Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect by Will Guidara
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

An engaging story of how a restaurant in the New York got to the award of the best restaurant in the world - and the work which preceded this title. Will Guidara is focusing on the service part of the restaurants.

The management lessons of the book are rather trivial. The inner life of organising service in a superb fine-dining restaurant was very interesting to read. After reading it, you cannot help not noticing small details when dining in a good restaurant.

In particular, I liked application of the Rule of 95/5: Manage 95% of your business down to the penny; spend the last 5% “foolishly”. That last 5% has an outsize impact on the client experience.

I also found interesting the principle of “It’s important to me” card in the partnership. In the case of disagreements, the only way to proceed in pursuit of a good partnership is to decide that whoever cares more about the issue can have their way. You can agree on “It’s important to me” card to be pulled in certain situations. But this card should not be abused by pulling it too many times.

Most of all, it was interesting to read about all the examples of how they applied small gestures of extraordinary hospitality in their restaurant.

Review: Petserimaa: Petserimaa integreerimine Eesti Vabariiki 1920-1940

Petserimaa: Petserimaa integreerimine Eesti Vabariiki 1920-1940 by Kalle Lõuna
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Hästi uuritud populaarteaduslik ülevaade Petserimaa eluolust esimese Eesti Vabariigi ahal. Sisaldab huvitavat statistikat ja mälestusi. Natuke kuiv, oleks tahtnud rohkem pilte ja elavamaid kirjeldusi. Kuid annab hea ülevaate selle vaesema ja muust Eestist (usuliselt, rahvastiku koosseisust ja tööstuslikult) erineva regiooni eluolust.

Review: The Brain That Changes Itself

The Brain that Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science by Norman Doidge
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is the book about the plasticity in the brain. Our brains are not static - and we are able to impact how we think, react and feel ourselves.

I found some of the claims in the book to be too strong like the good benefits of the psychoanalysis or negative impact of watching pornographic content on brains. But when taken to the extremes - both good or bad - there are very interesting stories and personal anecdotes that exemplify how our brain is impacted.

Take love for example. Anyone who has been in love, will probably not argue that it changes one's brain. Two brains in love go through a period of heightened plasticity, allowing them to mold to each other and shape each other’s intentions and perceptions. And if we get separated from our love object, our brains undergo unlearning process - a hard and time consuming adaptation of the brain to the new reality.

Sometimes, our brains maps can merge two separate phenomena into one, counterproductively. For example, associating sex with violence. Or relationship with abusive behavior. Solving it requires rewiring brain maps by psychoanalysis or similar.

Or take pain. The brain decides how much endorphins to use to quell pain we experience. Soldiers during the war report of not feeling any pain when they are seriously wounded until they are out of battlefield. Their brains only allow the pain signals when the immediate threat is gone. Mother soothing her hurt child helps the child’s brain to turn pain volume down.

Although many experiments, studies and stories in the book are negative per se, I liked the overall positive message of the book. We are able to influence our brain plasticity (which is deteriorating with age) by providing a constant challenge to it. Studying foreign languages, solving complex puzzles, mastering new physical activities, acquiring a new career, having a regular physical exercise, learning new dances - have all shown to have a positive effect on people having statistically less Alzheimer, sharper memory and better focus in older age.

Not a news really, but obsessions and worries are also possible to target - by literally "rewiring" the brain, making it focus on something else, something positive and pleasure-giving. Anyone working on any personal obsessions or worries can attest that it is, at times, very hard - but possible, with dedication, practice and discipline.

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Review: No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind

No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Another great book on parenting by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne after their "Whole-Brain Child".

Every chapter is full of useful advice - and well-structured too. The illustrations in the form of comic strips (the way we reactively discipline our kids vs the way we would actually like to discipline them) are very helpful.

Connect first.
Connect with the kids emotionally.
Make sure you are sufficiently calm before reacting.
Try to understand why they behaved they way they did.
Use physical touch.
Use "below eye level" technique.
Don't dismiss the child's emotions feelings ("You are just tired"), validate their feelings and embrace their emotions.

Then redirect.
Make sure the time is right - teaching a lesson when emotions are high is rarely a good idea.
Make it with child's development stage, needs and respect for the child's integrity.
Talk less, listen more.
Describe, don't preach.
Instead of no, use yes with a condition (“Yes, we’ll read another story, but we need to do it tomorrow”).
Involve your child in the discipline.
Emphasize the positive (“I love it when you’re encouraging your sister like that”.)

One of the concluding chapters - The Messages of Hope - is a great and encouraging ending to the book.

"Sometimes there’s just nothing we can do to “fix” things when our kids are having a hard time."

"The not-so-great parenting moments are not necessarily such bad things for our kids to have to go through - because our messy, human, parental responses give kids opportunities to deal with difficult situations and therefore develop new skills."

"When having messed up, they key is to repair any breach in the relationship as quickly as possible. Ruptures without repair leave both parent and child feeling disconnected."

Recommending to any parent. I often think that my kids are my best teachers right now. This book has helped me to become a better student.

Review: Notes on a Nervous Planet

Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Matt Haig, a British author who had undergone deep depression, suicidal period of his life and still having anxieties, has written the book about everything which makes us more anxious - and the remedies to it.

What was good about this book? Bringing out mental health as something we should talk about, something we should not be ashamed of, something we need to acknowledge and work on. It was also interesting to read Matt Haig's descriptions of his occurrences of strong anxiety and how he was dealing with.

Mostly, however, I found this book rather superficial and annoying even. All the advice is rather basic - and very few sources to the claims are brought out. Consuming a lot of media and news, spending a lot of time in social media and in crowded spaces makes you anxious. Wow, what's an insight! Walking in the nature, reading, spending time with ones you love makes you less anxious. Wow, even more insightful!

Literary essay-like style is beautiful at certain times, but mostly annoying with many lists and short sentences to prove the point.

Review: Tartu tuld toomas

Tartu tuld toomas. Linnauitaja ülestähendusi taaskohtumisel by Mihkel Mutt
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Huvitav Tartu linna iseloomustav essee. Üksjagu linnalugu, natuke kirjanduskriitikat, siin-seal ühiskonnakriitikat, natuke metafüüsilist absurdi - kirju, kuid nauditav kirjastiil. Raamatu esimene osa meeldis rohkem, kus Mutt kirjeldab vaimukalt erinevaid linnaosi ja tartulikke jooni. Mida rohkem lõpu poole, seda rohkem on filosoofiat ja metafüüsikat, mis ei tundu alati uudne või põnev.

Tartus õppinu ja elanuna aga oli üldiselt soe tunne seda raamatut lugeda. Üht-teist uut sai teada ka linna ajaloost ja geograafiast.

Review: Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life

Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life by Nir Eyal
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

A book on how to not let your focus get distracted by what you don't want (like social media, TV etc).

There are several useful well-structured pieces of advice:
- timeboxing the time for what is important for you, including your relationships
- how to be efficient with your emails and messaging
- preventing distractions by the pacts (making it more difficult, losing something unless something else happens)

In particular, I liked the advice on spreading digital minimalism among the friends and others. We can motivate others by making it a taboo to check one’s phone when in the company of others. So, is you see someone on the phone during the social conversation, you can ask ‘I see you’re on the phone. Is everything OK?’

Overall, rather basic and little psychological research to provide substance to the "indistractable" model. Most of it was not novel to me. But the advice is good and useful.

Review: Sult

Sult by Martin Ernstsen
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Quite good graphic adaptation of the famous Norwegian novel by Knut Hamsun about a poor writer who is struggling with hunger and depressive thoughts.